Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Greeks

I recently got promoted which means that I used to be a Tiny Kahuna in my company and that I am now a Small Kahuna with several Tiny Kahunas reporting to me. As part of the promotion, I get 8 new countries and about 50 more slaves in my team. That brings my total number of slaves to about 200 and change. This morning, I had invited the 8 new Tiny Kahunas to Dubai for a 1 on 1 introductory meeting. Here is what the Greek guy had to say:

Me: “Hello Karimitos Lovemakinos”
Karimitos: “Hello Kherlock”
Me: “Herlock”
Karimitos: “Yes, Kherlock”
Me: “Not Kherlock, Herlock”
Karimitos: “eh, this is what I said, Kherlock”
Me: “Herlock, Herlock H H H”
Karimitos: “Yes, KH KH KH, that’s what I said”
Me: (Hum, I sense a disturbance in the force)
Me: “Ok, never mind, Kherlock it is”
Me: “I see you have been with us 2.5 years already”
Karimitos: “Yes, I need a raise”
Me: “A raise? I see here that you haven’t achieved your quota in the last 9 quarters”
Karimitos: “Exactly!”
Me: “!!??”
Karimitos: “I haven’t achieved quota so I didn’t get commission so I didn’t get paid well, so I need a raise”
Me: “!!??”
Karimitos: “What’s wrong Kherlock”
Me: “Herlock”
Karimitos: “Whatever”
Me: (Did that Slave just Whatever me?)
Me: “Usually we give raises to people who achieve quota, as a reward”
Karimitos: “No, that’s what commission is for. I worked hard so I need a raise. I haven’t received full salary since I joined”
Me: “Because you having been delivering results”
Karimitos: “Exactly and I have been punished for that, you took away my commission!”
Me: “I didn’t take anything away, I hardly know you”
Karimitos: “You, You, the Kahunas”
Me: (Ah, yes, I am part of those now… )
Me: “So… you want me to go to my boss and tell him you need a raise because you haven’t delivered on your targets. Is that correct?”
Karimitos: “Yes, Absolutely”
Me: “And if you had delivered you wouldn’t want a raise?”
Karimitos: “Well, that depends how hard I work to deliver”
Me: “Hum…”

I am now taking applications for the position of Tiny Kahuna in Greece. Requirements are simple

1. Being able to pronounce my name
2. As a tiny Kahuna you will have your own slaves. About 15 of them. Treat them well. They need to get, at least, one afternoon off a week
3. You should make your targets so I look good in front of Medium Kahuna, my Boss
4. You should realize that as a Tiny Kahuna you are my slave. You get Wednesday afternoon off starting at 4pm
5. You should be an Italy supporter in Euro 2008
6. You should make sure your slaves support Italy as well

That’s it really. Please leave your application in the comment sections and someone will get back to you.

Herlock Sholmes

10 Comments:

Blogger N said...

Lol. good move. can i apply?

3:25 PM  
Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

Mr. Sholmes, are candidates with their own set of two wonderful kahuna's allowed to apply?

5:39 PM  
Blogger Hatem said...

That was really funny!!
I envy that Greek guy for his self confidence! Really... :)

10:41 PM  
Blogger Tarryn said...

Haha! Brilliant post, really made my evening :D!

11:33 PM  
Blogger Qatar Cat said...

I didn't know we couldn't pronounce H! If anything, it's KH we have troubles with!

Lovemakinos... that's one Greek name I haven't heard before. I say give him a raise!

:^)

2:53 PM  
Anonymous humble simpleton said...

I want to apply. I can pronounce Herlock, look - 'Herlock'. Targets, slaves, whatever. And I can sing first stroke of L'inno di Mameli, Italian hymn.
Fratelli d'Italia
L'Italia s'è desta....

Would it be a problem that I don't speak Greek?

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