Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Cognito Ergo Sum

Yesterday was a tough day for me. A very, very tough day. As I was driving home, quite tired and exhausted a few friends called with an offer I couldn’t refuse: Beers and Tequila

As I got to our favorite venue for such activities, sat down, and proceeded to consume an extraordinary amount of both drinks, the group started talking about their dating experiences in Dubai. As someone who likes to listen more than talk, I was fascinated with what I was hearing. Tales of loose women, BMWs, money being spent, Gym sessions, Viagra and other, flowed across the table like cheap wine. For the first time in a long, long time I felt out of place. These were my friends, yet a few Tequila shots had released a side of them that I never knew. I tried to intercede but was told: “Every one in Dubai is like that”. Both the men and the women at the table said the same thing.

This is the second time I am told the same thing. Only a couple of days ago someone else was making the argument that all men in Dubai are pigs. And that most women do actually like it and encourage it. I mean they wouldn’t be pigs if it didn’t work, would they?

This is not one of my funny posts. I am not really in the mood for one of those this morning. I feel like thinking out loud. I feel like organizing my thoughts on paper. If this is not your cup of tea, please leave now and be reminded that this is MY blog and I shall write on it what I want. Nah!

So, as I was driving home at 4am last night, I started thinking about the conversation we were having in relation to my dating experience here. I kept telling myself “I am not like that. I am different.”. “I am better”. While it is absolutely true that I am “not like that” I am not sure anymore (now that I am sober) that “better” is the right word. Who am I to judge? If it works for them, it works for them. I guess we just have different goals. And, here lies the issue.

The men that were discussed around the table mostly know one of two things: Either that they are destined to marry a virgin that they barely know or that they are here for a relatively short period of time and will soon be back to the “real” world. As a result, both have the same aim: To sleep with as many women as they can while it lasts. A commendable goal. I am all or that. Good luck. If you have such a goal, you also have to give yourself the tools to achieve the objective. A nice car, A Gym induced body, expensive clothes, etc, etc. In order to succeed, what counts most is the first impression. Something that can easily be achieved through a few hours at the Gym, a nice car and a few minutes in front of a mirror before leaving the house. You might also need a few well rehearsed jokes to tell.

That is fine with me. I am all for that sort of attitude. Going and getting what you want, investing in making it happen is what I am all about as well. However, I have also reached the conclusion that my little luck with dating in this country is because I have a different goal. You see, I will not be marrying a virgin that I barely know and I am not here for a short period of time before going back to the “real” world.

As a result, my priorities have shifted from screwing anything that moves to human contact in general. While “human contact in general” does include nocturnal activities, they are not the only included item on the list. Indeed, if you think about it, time in bed can be 1 or 2 hours a day (5 min for me, but that’s another issue for another post) but the time spend face to face is a lot more than the 1 or 2 hours. For me, enjoying that other time is equally, if not more important.

I would like to be able to call her on my way back from a long day at work and talk about something completely different. I would like to be able to plan a dinner with her knowing that I will be able to be surprised by the conversation. That it would take us into uncharted water with weird topics of conversation. I would like to be able to sustain a 5 min phone conversation with her about a topic other than sex, phone sex. Those are important things for me. I think it is my right to have them on the “important things” list. I also understand that I should not whine about other people not having them on the same list. I would like to show her the places I have been without boring her, I would like to take her to the base of mount Fuji or diving in Australia, I would like to go to the Opera with her without having her yawning every 5 minutes, I would like to have her disagree with me on the idea that Picasso is the best painter that ever lived, I would like to share a sunset with her without her ruining it with words such as: “This is beautiful”, of course it is, I know it, you know it, I know you know, you know I know, shut the fuck up.

I, like everyone else have things going for me and things going against me. I, as I suspect every one else, have made numerous lists of them. That list has not changed much for me in the last 10 years. On the negative side are most of the first impression things: Looks, cloths, effort, flashy car, etc. On the positive side are all the things that take time to discover. And, I have come to terms with that long ago. My reasoning is that if a woman doesn’t take the time to dig deeper then I might not be right for her and she might not be right for me. That is why, every relationship I’ve ever had has lasted a fairly long time, because it was always build on a meeting of the mind rather than a joining of the body. Once again, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sex like everyone else. I just hate to have to lay next to her in the dark afterwards with nothing to say. That silence is what kills me.

Well, that was as deep as it gets this morning. Back to the normal posting style shortly. As soon as I can find my next victim. Until then, I wish you all Merry Dating and a Happy new significant other...

Haroun El Poussah


Anonymous Anonymous said...

great post, but the exact sentence is actually "Cogito, ergo sum"; I think, therefore I am...

3:50 PM  
Blogger Haroun El Poussah said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for posting a comment. Just to clary that both are correct Cognito Ero Sum and Cogito Ergo sum.

Both derive from a translation of Decartes "Je Pense, Donc je suis". A way of thinking by which he doubted everything - de onmibus dubitandum - including his own existing. Until he reached the conclusion that the only thing he could not doubt was that he was doubting and therefore thinking. Hence "I think, therefore I am"

So, both spelling are correct

4:01 PM  
Anonymous sAnonymous said...

I one language i know (not Arabic) are the same: Ismi == Isim ; so haroun may be right.


My reaction to the article was:


5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do not drink and drive

7:37 PM  
Blogger Leilouta said...

Very touching post. I wish more men were like you. The world would be a better place for all women.

7:58 PM  
Blogger BuJ said...

Very touching post indeed, and shows an added dimension to your persona.
I think many men can relate to a few things in this post (I know I can)..

Unfortunately the dating scene in Dubai is pretty shitty. Either you go for the pay-as-you-go deal with dating or you go for the marry-a-virgin deal..

either way you're a loser.. the first deal is so shallow and like Haroun said you will have bad moments when u cannot say a word and that kills..

the second deal might sound like a better deal in the long run, but because of our stupid customs you will not know what you're getting yourself into. ok she might seem nice and smart, but surely you need more than a few months to sus her out.. and oops by that time you've got Junior and another baby on the way...

forget it.

2:02 AM  
Anonymous pi said...

i think most women want a guy like this. its usually coz they arent, is wat the problem is. maybe u need to broaden ure circle.
P.S i hope this new year brings you lot of love and happiness

3:15 AM  
Anonymous Rebellious Arab Girl said...

I have been reading through your blog the past few days.. and this post is very touchy.. I mean you have seriously showed a side of your self.. I think it is pretty much your true self because you see other and how they act.. and you are realizing that you are much much more different. It's a good thing. I like this sensitive side of you! :P

7:11 AM  
Blogger inmotion said...

I've had it with this bullshit..

see my blog for a response

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice one, Haroun. I agree with Leilouta...the world needs more men like you. Maybe you should come down to London and try out the girls there. We might even hook up...u can never tell! *winks*

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. You've defined what finding true love is.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your story.
But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
Looks amazing, agree? :-)
You can also find my pics and more about me on my page
Read more about me or drop me a message from there.

6:46 PM  

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