Sunday, December 17, 2006

Jane the Mind Ripper

The secretary of one of our customers is crazy. Well, crazy about me apparently. Last week, when I went to see the customer, I stopped at her desk, like I always do, and had a quick chat with her. This week, she sent me 258 sms messages asking me if I wanted to go out for coffee. In the end, after saying NO 257 times in 257 different ways, for the sake of my sanity I decided to accept.

However, I wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t ask me again, so I decided to be as rude as I possibly could.

I got to Aroma café, 40 minutes late and I found her waiting patiently for me with a huge smile forming up on her face when she saw me. She didn’t even mention that I was late and I didn’t bother to apologize. I sat down and she proceeded to thank me for coming, I interrupted her with an order for an orange juice and I didn’t even ask her if she wanted anything. Apparently she didn’t because she just continued talking as if nothing happened.

As she was bla blaing on and on about some inconsequential thing or another, I finished my orange juice and let go the loudest burp in the history or recorded burps. She started laughing and said she loved people who felt comfortable enough to do that

It was getting painful. Usually I don’t need to make a fool out of myself on purpose, it just happens. This woman was going to be a challenge!

After ignoring her for 1 hour, burping, interrupting, speaking on the phone, etc, I concluded that the only way out was a loud fart. The loudest fart I could muster. That should do it. I mean, if the farting itself didn’t get her, the smell would. I gathered myself, adjusted my sititng position to let our just enough air and proceed to push, push as hard as I could.

Unfortunately, 45 minutes later, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t fart at will. Apparently I am fart-challenged.

Haroun El Poussah

10 Comments:

Blogger Sex and Dubai said...

LOL. I can never get that whole farting at will thing! But it's not a bad thing to be fart-challenged!:P

Girl's got it baaaad for you..!

5:05 PM  
Blogger moryarti said...

Just order any cocktail that has banana and strawberries. The mix of these 2 (hot) and (cold) fruits usually results in a swift but extreme gastronomic fermentation process that ultimately leads to extending you with the ability to let one rip.

12:22 AM  
Blogger Harsha said...

looks like someones got some bad experiance (^^)

1:15 AM  
Blogger BuJ said...

Reading this post made me physically laugh.. especially towards the end... starting with "It was getting painful.... I concluded that the only way out was a loud fart."

I hope you tipped the Aroma guys to compenasate for the harsh working conditions :P

3:02 AM  
Anonymous pi said...

why dont u give her a chance? she sounds far nicer than all the weirdos uve been seeing.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous sAnonymous said...

Dude, you are using the wrong tools to accomplish this particular job. You don't have to go to these extremes to turn her off; Just pretend to be any one of the guys the girls at "Sex and Dubai" have been trying to date and you will be fine.

8:47 AM  
Blogger rt said...

aroma cafe has bad service, the waitresses r not particularly very friendly. and it has a 15% service charge, when all other places have 10% service charge. but nice ambience tho.

and btw, if this woman went thru all that without being snooty or turned off, you must be very charming to her. or maybe she was just polite and let it all go thinking they were unintentional.

3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so does this mean you didn't end up with by her side in the wee hours of the morning?

What do you find so offensive about this woman (aside from her goo-goo gaa-gaa'ing over you)?

8:06 AM  
Anonymous luci said...

Farting works, and it works well!The other day i was hapilly jogging ( and enjoying this weather while we can)and listening to good loud music on my ipod, when i noticed a guy attempting to speak to me from a car slowly driving by. I was ready to switch on the alarm on my pedometer for the first time when i felt the need to fart; i thought it would be a stealth one but NO! it was so so loud!
Lucky me, it was all it took for the idiot to leave me alone...while i just stood there laughing my head off...

11:13 AM  
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3:01 AM  

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