Thursday, December 14, 2006

Weapons Of Mass Distractions

Last night I was invited to the gala dinner for the Dubai Film Festival. Initially, I didn’t want to so, since I don’t know anyone there, but I was bored so I decided to show up.

I was seated at a table with Laurence Fishburne, Yousra, Lolla, Hussein Fahmi and Ian Barton.

Now, for those of you who don’t know Lolla, let me tell you that she has two nuclear weapons that should be banned by the IAEA or risk being invade by Bush’s America

So, anyway. Here I am sitting at that table and I am observing all those smart people chat amongst themselves about holidays in the Bahamas, mansions in California, Penthouses in London, Plastic surgery and here I ma worried about dropping mustard on my $9.99 red tie. The conversation was pretty boring for a mere mortal like myself and I was about to call it a night when Lolla looks at me and, for the first time all evening, she seem to realize that some weird, chubby guy that she doesn’t know is sitting at the table. She raises an eyebrow and checks me out from top to bottom, then turns to Yousra and says: (Keep in mind that I don’t look AT ALL like I speak Arabic): “El gada3 dah beyboselli kedda leih?”

At that point, it took ALL my legendary self discipline and mythical self control not to turn tomato red or burst out laughing.

So, Yousra turns to her and with the most serious face she says: “makhatesh bally, hezzy bizazik shwayya 3ashan ashouf”. This is when I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned fire red, and couldn’t contain the smile on my face and I looked at Lolla right in her eyes. She turned blue and said: “Ya lahwi. Inta bititkalem 3arabi?”

I simply looked at her and nodded. They both smiled and proceeded to explain to Laurence Fishburne what had happened. He also seemed to notice me for the first time. He asked me whether I had seen his last movie “Bobby” I replied that I hadn’t. At that point the soup was served and I saw him looking around the table for something. I said: “ Laurence, you should know better, There is no spoon”

I think it wasn't the first time he heard that aprticualr joke. No matter, I thought it was funny.

I was ignored for the rest of the evening.

Haroun El Poussah


Anonymous izzi said...

hehe this is a funny post, you made me laugh... i like your writing style... what does 'bizazik' mean?

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please translate to English for your non-arabic speaking fans?

10:09 PM  
Blogger magnoona said...

lol thats hilarious. I dont, and prolly should know who Lolla is, but I love Yousra! Thats so cool that you were seated at her table. How was the convo boring with Yousra present?! Well I guess materialism doesnt excite me either. Bas bardo, Yousra!

P.S. When I first started reading your blog I initially thought you were some smooth kinda guy, but this is becoming less so hehehe ;)

10:05 AM  
Anonymous wendy said...

English translation please...the humour was lost on us non-Arabic speaking folk...

2:44 PM  
Anonymous Bruno Priuli said...


I'm from Rio de Janeiro....don´t have a clue on what you said in Arabic....could you please translate?...I like you blog a lot, maybe I should start one too about dating in Rio....


12:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what is it that u do exactly, that allows u to mingle and schmooze with celebs like this?

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are still people who believe any of this stuff is real?

Entertaining as hell though.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous sAnonymous said...

I am sorry but 99% of the post was lost in translation (or the lack of it).

9:08 AM  
Blogger La Gitana said...

Lolla to Yosra: Why is that guy looking at me like that?

Yosra to Lolla: I hadn't noticed. Shake your tits a bit so I can see.

Lolla to Haroun: Oh my God. You speak Arabic?

you're welcome

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Ash said...

Wrong timing with the smile and the red face. You could've gotten some action ;)

1:09 AM  
Blogger Qatar Cat said...


But, thick as I am, I didn't get the spoon joke.


1:05 PM  
Blogger Doubleletter said...

qatar cat, he is referring to The Matrix.


7:23 PM  

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