Tuesday, November 21, 2006

12 Monkeys

These are my 12 dating monkeys

1. The Clothes: Knowing what to wear and how to wear it is always a problem. White sox? Suit? Shirt? T Shirt? Polo? Slippers? Underwear? No underwear?

2. The Venue: Always a biggie. Too upscale and she’ll think you’re a snob. McDonald’s and she think you are cheap. With alcohol? Without alcohol? Indian Food? Arabic Food?

3. The Conversation: Can I mix English into my Arabic? Arabic into my English? French? Are there taboo topics? Religion? Sex? Marriage?

4. The Ordering: Hum… I was born hungry! (When I came out of my mother’s womb, crying of hunger was the absolute first thing I did. Been that way even since. It has all to do with the fact that doctors interrupted my dinner and forced me out) So, how much to order? Do I pig out and damn the consequences? Is she nice enough for me to be decent?

5. The Drinking: I drink like a Irishman in love with a Scotswoman. Is this acceptable on dates? Is she a Scott?

6. The Knife and fork: I like to eat with my hands. I am more in control this way and can put more of it in my mouth at once. Some ladies get offended.

7. The Bill: Do I ask for it? Do I wait until she asks for it? Obviously if it is going bad, I’ll make a move. But, what if I like the girl? Too long and I risks her finding out how truly boring I am. Too quick and she leaves before she is hooked

8. The Payment: Who should pay? Me on a good date, her on a bad one? Dutch if she’s Scottish?

9. The Valet Parking: I usually like to wait for her to get into her car. Not because I am polite but because it allows me to go back in and take the doggy bag in which my favorite waiter tucked all the leftovers. What if I get hungry during the night?

10. The Sms: Do I sms her that night to thank her for the evening? Tough one. On one hand she could get a superiority complex and become un-handlable. On the other hand, it’s the easiest way to be smsed back with an invitation for a night cap

11. The Good Night kiss: Ahhh, that damn good night kiss. In my younger years, I used to be so clumsy that I could, sometimes, miss the entire cheek and land, by mistake, on the lips. These days, this is no longer possible as woman tend to react negatively to such innocent mistakes. So, cheek? Lips? Neck? Babylons? And if Lips, with hands, no hands? Doh, life is so complicated these days.

12. The Morning after: If it’s her place, get the hell out of there asap! Work, jogging, pregnant wife are all valid excuses. Never take a woman at home on the irst date, they tend to stick around and overstay their welcome. Even I know that. But when I wake up at home, alone, do I send her a good morning sms? Or not? I always screw this one up with an sms about my morning erection and a reference to wet dreams of her. It never goes down well

Haroun El Poussah


Anonymous Anonymous said...

As far as I know, these dos and don’ts come from experience, culture and personality…
I don’t think there are specific answers to each question.
I can say that man should do whatever he feels right at the moment. He will make it naturally and with self confidence, and she will like that, but never ask her: “what to do?”
A Woman likes the man who knows what he is doing; and a woman who likes the man’s company will accept most of his acts, and most of the suggested places. If she doesn’t like one thing, she will tell you and that’s a good sign; it means that she likes the rest of you!
Last thing: if a man is acting naturally and the woman totally disagree, or just kept silent and then disappeared, then they simply don’t match. No big deal…

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Bahraini Rants said...

you're starting to sound way too needy.. i liked you more as herlock sholmes..

Although haroun el poussah is a killer name..

just my opinion, but that doesn't meant shit..

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. That depends on were you're taking her, but I would say jeans (men in jeans that fits good.. namnam), a shirt with one or two buttoms open and the arms rolled up, black/dark socks (white socks is just for working out), not open shoes and not sneakers, UNDERWEAR. Have a layback look.
2. Some place you enjoy since you are the one that is taking her out. With alcohol, she doesn't have to drink, and you can have a drink to relaxe.
3. As long as she understands what you are saying it doesn't matter what language you're speaking, but I must say it's abit strange speaking a foreign language if you're both from the same country.
4. Eat until you drop. Do you really want a woman you can't enjoy having a meal with?
5. As long as you don't get drunk and start behaving like a crazyman. But if you're suppose to drive her home later you shouldn't be drinking at all.
6. Eating with your hands can be very sexy. But filling your mouth with too much food, NOT sexy! Maybe you can feed each other??
7. Ask her if she want anything else, if she doesn't, ask for the bill.
8. You invited her out, you pay.
9. So?? She does'n know you're not polite..
10. One sms is ok, but it shouldn't be too long and don't show her that you are into her, just polite. And don't send her any sms or call her the next day.
11. First cheek, if she's leaning her body towards yours, hold her chin and give her a small kiss.
12. Nothing if you sent her a sms the night before. If you didn't, wish her a good morning and nothing more that day. I would not recommend that you talk about yuor morning erection, save that for later.

That's how I would have wanted it:)

Good luck!!!!


6:33 PM  
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5:56 PM  

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