Saturday, December 23, 2006

I've been put in my place

Last night I was at a dinner party for the big bosses in the company. It is one of those events where everyone wears his best set of clothes and tries to appear way more intelligent and charming than he really is.

As it is also an open bar event, towards the end of the night, most people are completely wasted. For my part I never drink when with people I work with. Part of the old “don’t shit where you eat” adage.

Anyhow, at around 1am, this 50 year old lady walks up to me, she is clearly drunk, she checks me up and down, and says: “ You’re the guy in charge in this part of the world? You work for my husband?”. Having no idea who she was or who her husband was, and since she was clearly completely drunk, I decided to simply agree. No harm can come from agreeing. So, she looks me straight in the eyes and says: “I have to have a word with my husband about you, that tie of yours is the most disgusting tie I’ve ever seen”.

Ok, so we have already established, long ago, that I have no taste in cloths. This is why whenever I need to buy anything other than a T-Shirt, I walk into the Hugo Boss shop and ask the salesman to make a few combinations for me. You know, tie, shirt, suit. I then tag them all to make sure that a couple of months later when I actually do need to use them I’d keep the sets intact.

So, that woman was making fun of my tie. And, for your information, it was not one of those Disney tie with Mickey and Pluto. I only use those at less formal functions (It wasn’t my Lord Of The Ring tie either). Stupid woman! For those of you who know me personally, you’d know that I like ties. I don’t mind someone telling me that my suit is ugly (and the pants were probably a couple of centimeters too short) but no one, absolutely no one criticizes my ties.

Under normal circumstances, I would have just answered: “and that outfit of yours makes you look old and fat”. But, I had no idea who that woman was. So, I ignored her while I went around the room asking everyone who that crazy old lady was. Having asked everyone in the room, I was quite confident that no one knew her. I went to the bathroom and made sure there wasn’t someone there that I had forgot to ask.

At that point in the evening, I was quite confident that her husband was not in the room and that since all my bosses where in the room, she was not related to any of them

I looked for her and located her close to the bar (where else) and I approached her with my most adventurous pick up line: “Why don’t you like my tie?”. My plan was to embarrass her. Humiliate her. Teach her that a Man’s tie is sacred. She turns around and I immediately saw that she had had at least 5 more drinks since our last conversation. “I am in room 1417”, she replied. Did I say she was 50 years old? I might have underestimated this, she was probably 60. Now, I know these chronicles make me appear desperate and I know that I’ve said I got horny watching my dog getting some… But I am not THAT bad!

I tried to back out: “Sorry, you misunderstood, me”. She looks me up with her alcohol ravaged eyes and says: “No, not at all, I told you that you had a shitty tie, you went around the room trying to figure out who I am and came back with that fucking line of yours. You are one of those young guys who think they are smart. Well, let me tell you, you are fat, you are ugly, you dress like a buffoon and you revolt me. I wouldn’t sleep with you even if I had another 50 drinks”

Haroun El Poussah

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is reasonably good advice for teh average teenage kid, just starting out, or even the youg adults out there, unsure of themselves and trying to get their sea legs. But to be truly successful with the opposite sex takes much more than all this. First you can't rely on anything in a can. Having a set of responses makes you inflexible and gives the other person a perception of you as being "automatic". You have to be able to think on your feet, mirror the other person's responses, and adjust accordingly. Its the same with sales and marketing. If you can be the flexible one and break down the other person's automatic responses they'll follow you anywhere. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Dating, influence, persuasion, marketing, even child rearing and manageing a business takes a lot of work and subtle mental techniques to be truly successfull. Any sort of simplistic set of rules will inevitably leave you wallowing with the other 99% of the population. If thats fine with you then go ahead, let your date make the choices, but if you want to excell, present yourself in such a way that they want to give you the choice. Certainly easier said than done when just starting out, but aim for nothing less and the world is yours.
All the best,
Luke.

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Shit* Did u bitch-slap the bitch? Cos she certainly derserves one!!!

2:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Shit* Did u bitch-slap the bitch? Cos she certainly derserves one!!!

2:55 AM  
Anonymous Rebellious Arab Girl said...

what a bitchy old woman.. lol u should have slapped her.. she wouldn't know it was you when she is sober again! lol

5:01 AM  
Blogger Doubleletter said...

LOL !

6:51 PM  

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